Cutting out friends is not worth the effort

I think it goes without saying that when you makes plans with somebody, you are expected to actually be there. This idea either evades the understanding of or is simply disregarded by so-called “flaky” friends. “Flaky” friends do not show up to plans and send mixed signals about their investment in the friendship.

Whether it be from social media, conversations with friends or advice from adults, the advice is still the same– cut out the flaky friends. But, cutting people out of your life is a nuclear option, and even when the friendship is draining and problematic, it is so much easier said than done.

Nobody is obligated to keep problematic friends in their lives, but sometimes discarding a relationship takes the kind of energy and effort that extends far beyond that friendship.

Friendships are built on circumstance. For the most part, we forge friendships depending on physical proximity, situation or necessity. The elements of connection, trust and enjoyment comes afterwards. It may be cynical, but I think friendships are mainly a product of convenience. We all hate the prospect of being lonely, so we attempt to connect with people to combat this. It is far easier to create relationships with the people around you than to keep to yourself.

The impact of this convenience extends beyond that moment and that friendship. Each relationship you create has its roots in something, be it school, work, sports or any other activity, and these roots still exist even after the friendship ends.

Telling someone to cut out a friend is both unwarranted and entirely useless– they most likely understand the friendship is toxic. Friendships are not like expired yogurt– you cannot just throw them away without consideration. Before making a decision as final and definitive as cutting out a friend, you have to consider the impact ending that relationship has on your life, school, family or wherever else it originates from. Maybe it is a calculating and sad way of viewing people, but more often than not, the inconvenience of ending a friendship is not worth the effort of doing so.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *