Tall People Stand Above Adversity

We like to think that we are head and shoulders above the rest. By “the rest,” we tall people are of course referring to the general masses, henceforth to be referred to as “shorties.”

We ignore the constant inquiries about the weather up here by simply explaining that our brains are literally at a higher level of intelligence. When a shorty asks us if we play basketball for the umpteenth time, we look down upon the questioner and wittily respond by asking if they play miniature golf.

We tall people tend to hold ourselves to higher standards. We are not able to simply fit in the first pair of pants we find, but instead must put time and effort to find the right pair. Regardless, we continue to excel in finding the perfect look. The tall look.

While it does tend to be sunny way up here, thanks for asking, there are some downsides. For example, there is no ‘stealth mode’ for the tall. When it is best to be part of the crowd, whether for the reason of avoiding an annoying acquaintance or committing some imprudent act, a shorty only needs to look up to see us.

School desks are the ultimate plot by shorties to punish and enslave tall people within tiny, compact, and cramped chambers. Originally designed to bump knees and take excessively large periods of time to enter or exit, they also function as tools for writing within the classroom, but that is only a secondary function.

Furthermore, our superior cell counts leads to a higher risk of cancer according to a study by the scientific journal, Lancet Oncology. However, as long as smoking or other highly unhealthy activities are avoided the risk is only slightly larger compared to the rest of the population, unlike our height.

One of the largest inconveniences by far is walking with shorties. We tall people either need to walk at an uncomfortably slow pace or take awkward half steps every so often to let them catch up. Step on it, Frodo!

In addition, when associating with those of the opposite gender, we must carry a stool at all times if we wish to engage in any physical relations. This tends to be rather inconvenient and annoying.

Despite these minor disadvantages, it still pays to be tall. As The Atlantic describes, “An extra inch (in height) correlates with an estimated $800 in increased annual earnings.” So not only will our bodies have more feet than yours, but so will our houses.

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