College applications make me cry
Bam! That’s the sound of my face hitting the floor at the start of senior year. But what caused me to fall so hard? Well, it could be the college application process. It could be the instantaneous return to IB homework. It could be the new job I picked up to save up for college. It could be the hours of rehearsals and dance. It could be the lack of sleep. It is likely all of the above. But hey, at least if I am struggling, I can just put it into my Common App essay, right?
From the little I have chipped away at my college applications, I have uncovered many unsaid truths about this whole process. The biggest one being inescapable comparison. Whether you are on TikTok or talking to your peers, it will always feel like someone out there is doing more than you. More classes, more volunteer hours or extracurriculars. You will see the hardest-working, smartest friends you know get rejected from mediocre universities. Comparing myself to people in those situations led me to say “yes” to every opportunity that came my way, even if it meant saying “no” to myself.
As someone who is involved in the arts and plans to pursue it, the path is especially unclear and undiscussed. At a recent college counseling consultation tailored toward theatrical degrees, I learned that the artistic admissions board that reviews my audition barely cares about my academic achievements. This would have been great to know before I pushed myself to my limit for the last three years. Sure, now I have an ambitious work ethic and a few achievements under my belt, but I also have loads of mental illness and a chronic case of procrastination.
If this reads as if I am complaining, it is because I am. I have been told to remind myself that as much as I want to go to a particular college, they need the students and not the other way around. But I have started to feel like they just want my money–money that they require you to pay just to apply, despite the likelihood you will be rejected. But of course there is financial aid for students in “extraordinary situations.” However, that is difficult to believe when my brother, who attends a CSU and wrote to the financial aid board about the disabled state of our mother and the unfortunate impact it had on our family’s monetary needs, received nothing.
So why put myself through all this? Why not just attend community college? The fact is, I really do value higher education. I desperately want to go away to a university where I know I will be gaining valuable, intellectual, knowledge that will set me up for a successful future in my major.
The idea of college is exciting, but conversations about applications should start much earlier for all students, not just the privileged ones who can afford counselors starting freshman year.
I hope any other senior who reads this and feels behind or lacking in their college applications sees they are not the only ones to feel the paradoxical nature of this process.
