Lies in Disguise
Clichés, we learned in our first semester of freshman English class, are to be avoided. Like a literary equivalent to stale saltine crackers, not even the hungriest kids for a joke want to hear them. Although well intentioned, like that one weird family friend who lingered far too long after that family reunion, the best move is to not invite them to the party. The truth about clichés is not nearly as harmless. They are lies in disguise that lead us astray. If Dr. Seuss were still around, no doubt he would agree – clichés should never reach twenty feet close to me.
In the dangerous realm of cliché club, they say it takes two to start a fight. I’m not sure who “they” are, but apparently they have never once had an argument over vegetables. Not once in my life have I wanted to get into a fight with an angry vegan, yet I have found myself as an unwilling participant in an extended debate about how the values of vegetables are compared to meat far too often. In truth, it only takes one to start a fight. If you doubt me, just picture yourself in a dark parking lot being pursued by your friend on how they took a class on how to respectfully (according to the vegan ways) slaughter a goat. Now imagine yourself explaining that it takes two to fight and that you refuse to cooperate. Now imagine yourself being sliced like a carrot. To paraphrase another cliché, Hell hath no fury like a vegan scorned.
This example points out the treachery behind another cliché – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. When I was diagnosed with colitis, admitted to a hospital, and forced to consume 4 gallons of lemon-lime Gatorade all within a single night, these false words of wisdom were bestowed upon me. While wheeled into the room for my emergency colonoscopy (that term is just as terrifying and unpleasant as it sounds), the medical technician assured me that this experience would build character and maybe give me something to write about in a possible future English essay (thanks, Linda). A truer phrase would be “what doesn’t kill you leaves you emotionally scarred and unable to look at lemon-lime Gatorade in the same way.” Perhaps Kelly Clarkson should update her lyrics.
To keep my colitis in check, I was told that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless the apple is used as a threat against the doctor, this cliché is worse than useless. In truth, prescription medicine keeps the doctor away. It would be more accurate to say that an apple a day keeps angry vegans at bay.
Perhaps these clichés are meant to inspire. Perhaps they are white lies that we are told for our own good. Or perhaps, we would be wise to realize that the truth is messier than any simple cliché taught to us by an elder or kindergarten teacher. We can’t fault our teachers and parents and delinquent friends for passing on the same clichés that they were told, but we can be a little less quick to buy the hype. After all, what doesn’t fool you makes you stronger.
