My Phone, My Rules: Why Spying Isn’t Cool
It’s common practice for parents to go through their child’s technology. I mean, my mom follows me on Instagram, but there’s nothing there that I want to hide. In fact, I consider myself a pretty good kid. But there’s one thing I’m extremely grateful for: privacy.
It’s not like I keep many secrets from my dear mother. It’s just that there are some things I’d rather talk about with my friends.
“Adolescents need to separate and individuate. What that means is that they want to have a life of their own, and adolescence is really about preparing them for that. You should know that part of that process includes forming boundaries,” James Lehman, master in social work said. “Parents and kids often fight over where these boundaries exist, but your child’s need to establish them is very important.”
When parents try to read texts or go through all their kid’s social media, we don’t get mad because we’re doing bad things or desperately need help and aren’t talking about it. We get mad because we’re growing up. In fact, if my mom went through my texts, it would probably destroy most of the trust I have for her. Not because she actually read the texts, but because a) it would mean she doesn’t trust me, and b) nothing would be my own anymore. I wouldn’t be the independent young woman that I’ll (hopefully!) grow into. I’d feel paranoid that I was being watched.
I understand that many parents believe that going through their child’s phone is necessary to ensure safety, but this creates a dangerous situation because there is a lack of trust. When there’s a distrustful atmosphere, teens feel unsafe going to their parents for help, and the help is either delayed for a long period of time, or something drastic happens, seemingly out of the blue. I know I communicate to my mom about problems in my life naturally, and she doesn’t accidentally stumble upon a text and “find out.” This way, I can resolve issues quickly with her, and I’m one of the “rare” teens that has a good relationship with their parents. There’s no going through apps, there’s no spying. They give me space.
Think about it this way: if someone was listening in on your conversations with your friends, you’d feel uncomfortable, no matter the age. As kids get older, their lives become more independent, and they begin to have control over who they talk to. Safety is important, but so is trust. Without trust, parents won’t really know what’s going on, because the teens fear their parents won’t understand or will get angry. That is what is truly dangerous.
