The curse of the older sister
I used to wish I could go back in time to redo my past mistakes. I would want to answer a test question differently, say something that I regretted withholding or maybe just order a different coffee from Starbucks. However, I have come to realize that I do not want or need a time machine. My little sister is living proof that history repeats itself, and I am powerless to stop it.
My sister reminds me too much of myself– way too much. I watch her like a stalker, from the doorway of my room into hers. She is happy, blissful even, applying makeup carefully on her face. But I know this story. I have been exactly in her shoes. I still have war-flashbacks from my own phase of terrifying eye makeup in middle school. I still shudder when I walk past the shelves of eyeliners at Sephora.
“You really need to wipe that off, it looks ridiculous,” I tell her warningly. She looks at me slowly and rolls her eyes into the back of her skull.
“Let me do what I want, you just don’t get it,” she scoffs back. But I can’t. And I do get it.
As seemingly dramatic as it may sound, my sister is a living manifestation of every mistake I have ever made— a twisted and evil version of déjà vu, a walking reminder of every bad outfit I have worn or wrong thing I have said. By far the worst part is that there is nothing I can do to put an end to this misery. It seems that the universe will continue this vicious cycle of my sister repeating my worst grievances forever: I warn her against doing something, she does it anyway and the final stage of the words, “I told you so” pour out of my mouth like a waterfall.
Being an older sibling means being there to guide your younger siblings. But, it also means that your carefully crafted guidance is destined to fall on deaf ears. The only silver lining I seem to find is that after the fact, my advice is always right. My intuition never fails me because I have lived through every situation with which my sister comes to me, but that never stops her from ignoring my suggestions. And yet, I will always be there for her with my unsolicited advice because that is just a part of the job. Even if I cannot rewrite my past, maybe I can make my sister’s a little better.
