I cannot remember the last time someone brought up Ohio without a punchline trailing behind it. Despite the stigma around the state on social media, I am drawn to Ohio because I have family out there and it would be nice to be able to see my cousins more than maybe once a year. When the inevitable question is posed, “Where are you thinking of attending college?” my immediate response starts with “outside of California.” My dream school since I was young was The Ohio State University. Recently, I had the opportunity to walk the campus, and I fell even more in love. All of the brick buildings, the number of trees on the campus and even the pathways sold me entirely.
When I went through the decision-making process, I landed on The Ohio State University. It had everything I was looking for. But the voice in the back of my head is calling me inconsiderate for not thinking about my family and friends, and it makes me think that I do not deserve everyone in my life. College can be the best four years of my life but for me to accept that, I have to have no second guesses in what I choose. I feel like I need to be 100% in my decision to fully commit to any school because I do not want to look back and have regret. I would be uncomfortable with committing to an out-of-state college that I am not completely confident I will be happy at because of the financial burden it would have on my family. There is the option of transferring, and even though that is a viable option, it would make me think about where I went wrong in the beginning.
Something that is even harder for me to grasp is the thought of being far away from my twin brother for that long a period of time. Since he wants to stay in California for college, my leaving the state is a touchy subject for both of us to talk about. Even though we bicker as siblings do, it will be odd not having him around every day. Being miles away from an essentially built-in best friend will not be easy, and there is nothing in the world that is going to prepare me for that fact. My twin brother is my other half, literally, and there are things in my life that, if he were absent, I would be lost. So, without him by my side, there will always be a part of me missing.
With this, I know this decision is about my personal growth and about stepping into an unknown space. As much as it hurts to picture life without him nearby, I also recognize the importance of finding my own path. We have shared every birthday, every inside joke, even a special handshake and now, for the first time, we will not be experiencing life side by side. It is a terrifying feeling. But I believe that distance will not weaken our bond and might even strengthen it. We will learn how to support each other in new ways, how to be there without physically being there. I will miss the little things: his jokes, the way we can communicate without speaking, even the arguments that only twins can understand. No matter how far I go, he will always be a part of me. Though it is painful, this separation is just another part of growing up.
While going out of state for school has its advantages and disadvantages, I think that there are more ways I can find the good in being away from home rather than sulking in the bad all the time. But even with all of the changes that are coming, I know that whatever happens happened for a reason, and I am meant to follow that certain path. Either way, my parents are the most supportive people wherever I may end up going, and I know they will be with me throughout the entire process. In the end, if I am down to two colleges and I do not know which one to pick, I can always flip a coin. If I am disappointed with the result, I will know my answer.