I have often found myself in situations where I hear girls my age discussing their dreams of becoming a stay-at-home mom and “marrying rich.” I find this unsettling for many reasons, mainly because I fear that most people do not realize the reality of being a stay-at-home mom, and have been sold this idea by traditional wife [“tradwife”] content, which represents an increasingly conservative, and in my opinion, backwards, view of femininity.
As a child, I distinctly remember growing up around the idea of “girl power.” As corny and simplistic as that sounds, the concept of “girl power” was solidified in the way I perceived the world: my elementary school participated in the “Women in History” program, where we portrayed important female leaders. One of my favorite books was Malala Yousafzai’s memoir, in which she discussed her childhood under the Taliban and her lack of access to education. All of these things taught me that I was lucky to have an education, and I have always dreamed of pursuing an education and eventually making my own money. However, it seems that this dream is no longer in vogue, and the girl power era has been replaced with something darker that I believe harms the mentality of young women such as myself.
I believe that the increase in “tradwife” content romanticizes this lifestyle, and that people do not realize creators such as Nara Smith or Ballerina Farm do not represent the average stay-at-home mom. These people are very wealthy, and they represent a brand and aesthetic, not the reality of most women like themselves. I would venture to say that most people do not have the time or resources to make homemade Cheez-Its every day while wearing a designer dress, so I implore everyone who watches her videos to realize this is a highly aestheticized, romanticized version of the truth.
When people picture their ideal lifestyle as a stay-at-home mom, it feels like they only picture the fun and simple tasks. Perhaps they have envisioned packing orange slices for their children’s soccer games or dropping their kids off at school then going to pilates. Although these sound enjoyable enough, my question becomes, have these people truly considered all of the elements that being a homemaker requires?
The second that one decides they will pursue a life as a stay-at-home mom, they accept that they will rely on their husband’s income, and in the case of divorce, they are potentially ruined. Let me remind you that, in California, most marriages that last under 10 years only necessitate alimony payment for half of the marriage’s duration. Money is power, and personally, I would never feel comfortable relying on a man financially.
I also believe that the labor required to be a stay-at-home mom is often ignored and belittled. I have noticed that the majority of people do not realize the reality of this lifestyle: you are expected to cook most meals, do laundry, dishes, arrange appointments for your children, take care of your pets and so much more. Not to mention the fact that your children will likely leave the home at 18 years old, and you will be forced to confront a life that you’ve centered around your identity as a mom.
Although it may seem that I do not respect stay-at-home moms, that is far from the truth. I think that the time and effort these women put into their homes and raising children is admirable, and I do not think that one needs to have a job to be a productive member of society. I simply think that there is value in pursuing an education and relying on yourself rather than a man, and encouraging women to pursue a life as a homemaker has its pitfalls. I implore every young woman to believe in their full capabilities as more than a mother and wife.