Maybe it was the pipeline from strict parents to chill grandparents. More likely, it was the effects of China’s Cultural Revolution that made my grandparents want my sister and me to be unremarkable but content in life. I have come to realize that if I really become unremarkable, I want it to be because I worked my hardest to get there, not because I was afraid to be challenged.
The Cultural Revolution sent my grandparents to work in rural fields and factories at the age when they should have been opening their college entrance exam results. Schools and universities closed so students could dedicate themselves to the “revolutionary struggle.” They were encouraged to destroy old customs, habits, culture and thinking, known as the “Four Olds.” The Red Guards attacked teachers, artists, intellectuals and writers, all of whom were considered “enemies of the people” for their open criticism of the Chinese Communist Party.
This is frankly an oversimplification of the complex social upheaval that led to an estimated death toll of 500,000 to 2 million, as I do not claim to have personally experienced or comprehensively studied the sociopolitical movement. All I have are the limited bits and pieces of what my grandparents remember, but the philosophy that stemmed from these experiences shaped my childhood. In an environment where intellectuals and anyone who spoke out were persecuted, my grandparents learned that being mundane was survival.
At first, I could never understand why they did not want me to be “the best” or “number one” at anything, especially when compared to how my friends were raised. I now know that at least part of it was that people who stick out are subjected to judgment, and those at the top are eventually pulled down. My grandparents saw it happen growing up, and when it came to my sister and me, it was important to them that we protect ourselves by not aiming for gold.
To be happy with staying unexceptional, though, is a dangerous path. On more than one occasion, I have stopped a project with a “good enough” attitude or forfeited a game because it was “not worth it” to try to win. It is not to say that it is not healthy to avoid toxic competition and setting unfairly high standards. I have never been a very competitive person, and I will always be grateful that I was raised to value progress over results. But when I intentionally kicked myself in the shins before progress even happened, I sabotaged my development as a person. Every time I robbed myself of an opportunity, I became smaller and more narrow-minded.
I actively think about each action and whether I am making myself run-of-the-mill by conforming or pushing myself to act on my values. When I think of the comfort of just being “typical,” I remember that complacency in today’s political climate is a win for oppression.
Throughout my childhood, I wrongly understood being “unremarkable” as not having a strong opinion, quality, stance or anything distinguishable from the majority. All of these things are part of who I am, and no matter what I did to avoid it, I found a way to express them.
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