After school? I was studying. Weekends? I was studying. Summers? You guessed it, I was studying. Ever since I can remember, I have spent all my free time on school and extracurriculars. Even when it was unnecessary, I found myself staying at home in attempt to get further ahead and study more (even though I ended up just taking naps). My Fridays were completely open, yet I still was at home by myself with an open textbook and pencil in hand.
Whenever I would visit doctors or family friends, they would always ask what I did for fun, in attempt of showing care.
I was stumped. “I just take naps,” I shrugged.
Apparently this is not considered something one was supposed to do for ‘fun.’
However, it all seemed so normal to me: all my friends would do the same thing. We were, and are still, so focused on the letter on top of papers and getting into a ‘good’ college. Our conversations always somehow seem to come back to school or college apps. It was fun at first to complain about similar struggles, but it always left me drained and stressed about minute details that really shouldn’t have affected me.
Caring about your grades is all fine and good, but it became too much. It was all I would think about. I would fall asleep stressing about the next day’s Calc. test and wake up worrying about my score on the English essay I had turned in the previous week. I would completely neglect spending time with friends or doing things for fun.
Recently, I have dedicated more time to hanging out my friends, despite being busier than ever. I have realised that I will probably be on the other side of the country from all my friends in less than year, and I won’t be able to see them nearly as much. I would be in a totally different environment, regretting not knowing that well the people I called my best friends. And guess what: I have time for it. I was just lying to myself the whole time that I had to study every free minute of my day to do well in school. There can be a balance.
I’m so much happier. The weeks don’t drag on so long, because I actually have events to look forward to. Sure, my thoughts are still mainly focused on my progress in school, but it’s not 24/7… and that’s how it should be.
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