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My new year’s resolution: to rediscover myself
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I have long been a philosophical child. I always had more questions than my parents or teachers had answers, and gathered knowledge to hoard it away in the cracks and crevices of my mind. When I was little, I did things because they were fun, because they brought me joy. In my most vivid…
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Proximity does not equate to closeness
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When my brother, Duncan, left home for UCLA, many cautioned me with horrified expressions and a constant echo of comments like “just wait for how lonely you’ll be” or “I can’t believe you’re an only child now.” Initially, these remarks scared me into thinking that I would suddenly become an isolated, sibling-less individual. But…
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Slice of Life: Hiking provides the cheapest form of therapy
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Growing up in Newbury Park for most of my life, I can say with a full chest that I do not take advantage of it enough. In addition to In-N-Out and Potrero Road late at night, there are miles and miles of trails that curve and switchback like our own patchwork. I have attempted…
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My identity is in my name
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As summer came to an end, the inevitable ring of the first school bell brought a new year of teachers inquiring about my name. While my name is definitely not unique, it is slightly long and has a variety of nicknames. “Elizabeth,” they call, followed by “any nicknames?” Every year, my response is the…
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Facing fear and isolation in today’s political climate
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I have an incredibly vivid memory of crying in my room the night that Donald Trump was elected as president last year. As someone who had recently accepted their queer identity and begun to accept their gender identity, seeing the voting map slowly turn more and more red was so incredibly disheartening and gut-wrenching.…
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STEM is not the only equation for success
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Throughout the majority of my life and academic career, one subject has always haunted me. I’ve suffered from nightmares, many tears shed and all nighters pulled because of the one thing I cannot seem to understand: math. As I progressed through high school, and my math classes only got harder, I noticed myself internalizing…
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Identity isn’t just black and white
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The straightener on my countertop bears a painful reminder of my past. The cord is worn and frayed, the metal clamp overworked from years of hard work. I have spent years trying to smooth over the roughs, every pass over my hair inadvertently reminding me that most of my effort was spent trying to…
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How to win the war with yourself
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Everyone is fighting a silent battle, whether they realize it or not. A gory, bloody, merciless battle with their greatest opponent: themself. When I was a little girl, I had a recurring dream: a twisted, demented, recurring dream. My slumber revealed to me my truest and most vulnerable wish. I wanted to completely change…
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The guilt of choosing where to go
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I cannot remember the last time someone brought up Ohio without a punchline trailing behind it. Despite the stigma around the state on social media, I am drawn to Ohio because I have family out there and it would be nice to be able to see my cousins more than maybe once a year.…
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My future isn’t defined by a campus name
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“She probably didn’t get in anywhere else, that’s why she chose community college.” This was the whisper I imagined behind every glance, every nod, every conversation that trailed off when I spoke my choice aloud. Growing up, I always poured all of my heart into my education. I’d tuck myself away in my room…